[Club Cyrus] Game of Thrones Special - Character Reveals!


Welcome to the highly anticipated Game of Thrones Rocket League Special! On Sunday 20th August, 12 participants will enter the Throne Room, but only 1 can sit on the Iron Throne - who will it be?

Cyrus Gaming is organising a 'Game of Thrones' themed Rocket League night, so it's bound to be full of gratuitous violence and nudity. Or it will just be your standard Rocket League fare with a few GoT quotes thrown in whenever somebody scores. Either way, it's bound to be a massive let down and a complete waste of time - but we'll press ahead with it anyway!

If you would like to follow the action, check back on our website from 19:30 UK onwards to catch the live streams.

So without further ado, here is our cast list, in alphabetical order:


Circus is... Grey Worm


"Unsullied fear nothing."

Commander of the Unsullied, Grey Worm is disciplined, well-trained and deadly in combat. Chosen by his peers to lead them, he has a deep sense of duty and appreciates the structures of order and command. Now I'm not implying that Circus was also castrated as a child, but since I've known him he has only spoken about killing in The Division, killing in Foxhole, construction work and solar panels - this is clearly not a man exuding sexual desires. Make up your own mind, folks!


Daemion is... Ramsay Bolton


"You should hold onto your candles, the nights are so long now."

Sadistic, sociopathic, and always willing to commit unimaginably humiliating acts of sexual depravity in order to satisfy his uniquely perverted fantasies, Daemion makes Ramsay Bolton look like a well-adjusted member of society. Daemion boasts of engaging in 10-hour marathon sessions in the bedroom - hold onto your candles, ladies!


Dia is... Margaery Tyrell


"I want to be the queen."

So desperate in her quest to be queen, Margaery Tyrell was willing to marry the greatest, most ruthless and utter wanker ever to sit on the Iron Throne. And his brother. And her brother's gay lover. She hid her schemes through an outwardly amiable facade, however her attempts at manipulation and her desire to keep other women away from the Throne Room will ultimately lead to her downfall.


Iselore is... Theon "Reek" Greyjoy


"I made a choice... And I chose wrong. And I've burned everything down."

Weak, self-doubting, broken, emasculated, unreliable, and always, always a disappointment. But enough about Iselore - Theon Greyjoy is a tragic character who struggles with his identity, belonging and courage to speak and act as he truly wishes. He is known for making misguided choices, and ultimately burning the bridges of family and friendship.


Nostrau is... Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish


"Always keep your foes confused. If they don't know who you are or what you want, they can't know what you plan to do next."

Cold, calculating, and controlling - Petyr Baelish plays chess while others are playing checkers. Behind his calm, often pleasant exterior hides a shrewd Machiavellian monster with loyalty only to himself. I have absolutely no doubt that Nostrau is plotting the downfall of Cyrus, and I'm not even mad - I'm fascinated to see how he will manufacture it!


Peedy is... Jorah Mormont


"All I've ever wanted was to serve you."

Jorah Mormont is a most loyal, earnest subject who is always the first to volunteer service, no matter the personal cost or danger. While his character develops a deep yet unrequited love for his leader, the same cannot be said for our Peedy, who enjoys a fully reciprocal bromance with King of Cyrus, Redh. Preedhy 4ever, bitches!!


Raffles is... Tormund Giantsbane


"I have a jug of sour goat's milk, stronger than any of that grape water you Southern twats like sucking on."

Alpha, in a rough and gruff Northern kind of way, Tormund Giantsbane is a Manly Man amongst men. Just like his taste in tall women, his tales can become a tad elevated too, but you shouldn't hold this against him as his heart is true and his intentions are pure. Just as Tormund is the voice of the wildlings, so is Raffles the voice of Cyrus.


Redh is... Sandor "The Hound" Clegane


"Any man dies with a clean sword, I'll rape his fucking corpse!"

Brutal in his treatment of others, direct with his words, wallowing in cynicism, yet a molten marshmallow fluffy core, Sandor "The Hound" Clegane is the perfect match for our fearless leader Redh. This man isn't afraid to tell you you're all shit, and that's just fine with me!


Snikmund is... Renly Baratheon


"If you want hairless, maybe you should find a little boy."

Renly Baratheon is charismatic, stylish, and a raging closet homosexual. Well, 1 match out of 3 isn't bad! Snikmund still to this day denies his obvious tendencies towards the more rainbow-coloured end of the sexuality spectrum, however his tongue deceives him as he often slips up in conversation. Just recently he admitted that he hadn't had a boyfriend "in months"... Hang in there, Snik - your knight in shining armour will come soon enough!


Struckd is... Lord Varys


"Do you know I have no idea where they are? And we had been so close."

Lord Varys has separation issues... He has been separated from his balls! This is exactly the feeling one gets when joining a new social circle or, in our case, guild - you tend to remove your balls and keep them in a box rather than getting entangled in any drama or conflict. But thankfully, unlike for Lord Varys, this condition is not permament, and it will surely not be long before Struckd stops playing "nice new guy" and starts showing his teeth. Queen of Drama Iselore cannot wait!


Vidda is... Sir Cormac


"He rode to a woman’s sigh."

Who could forget Sir Cormac - the media standout from the opening episode of season 7? Sure, it may have been a fleeting appearance with no real substance, but as far as cameo appearances go it was certainly impactful. Not necessarily in a positive way, however... Let's all hope that Vidda can raise his game and get a starring role in Cyrus, rather than be that uncommitted, unreliable shit-talker that he currently is!


Vikingstad is... Hodor


"Hodor, Hodor."

A man of few words he may be, but Hodor's words are carefully chosen and ultimately insightful. Hodor is afraid of violence, but when the time comes is capable of dishing out some savage beatings - however he must be 'warged' into action. Vikingstad also demonstrated these traits during "The One Siege" in Conan Exiles, when the order was given for everyone to charge the enemy at our walls, only for him to stay back, cowering in the safety of our keep, and instead rain arrows on everyone below - us included!


Now you know the cast, here is how the competition will proceed. The evening will be split into 3 main sections, with a grand final to cap things off. Each section is for a different number of players per team starting with 4v4 until we get to the final 1v1 showdown.

Every player on the winning team will receive 3 points, and in the event of a league tie the winner will be decided by overall goal difference.

Here are the match ups:

ROUND ONE: 4 vs 4 Matches


ROUND TWO: 3 vs 3 Matches


ROUND THREE: 2 vs 2 Matches


GRAND FINAL: 1 vs 1 Showmatch

After the above matches, the top two players will face off in a 1 vs 1 showmatch with the others spectating. Cheer for your favourite, throw rotten vegetables at his opponent, but at the end of it all be prepared to bend the knee to the newly-crowned King or Queen of Rocket League!


EDIT: CLICK HERE for the results!
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Just when you thought this event couldn't become any more epic, I am happy to announce that Tormund Giantsbane, aka @Raffles, will be our announcer and games master on the night.


Just when you thought this event couldn't become any more epic, I am happy to announce that Tormund Giantsbane, aka @Raffles, will be our announcer and games master on the night.

Aye, and I'll be dishing out harsher burns than that monstrosity on the side of your cunt face, Clegane.
Well, what an exciting night! Thank you to @Raffles for setting us all in the right mood with his brilliant Arnold Schwarzenegger impression - it really was spot on! we suffered a little confusion at the beginning as everyone had changed their Steam profile name to their character (OMG, guild naming policies are a GOOD thing, Ize!), but we soon managed to get to grips with it and get our matches underway.

Here are the results for each round:

ROUND ONE: 4 vs 4 Matches


ROUND TWO: 3 vs 3 Matches


ROUND THREE: 2 vs 2 Matches


This leaves the final round standings as follows:


So the winner of the Iron Throne, and champion of the night is.... REDH!!!

Wow! Good game! Grats!! Amazing! Etc...

Unfortunately, as anyone familiar with Game of Thrones will tell you, life on the Iron Throne can be short lived, and our Glorious Leader, having managed to manipulate the results to his favour, forgot he added a stupid "1v1" showmatch at the end of the night. F*CK!!

So in a scene reminiscent of the ending of Gladiator, Redh stepped into the arena to face the number two player, First of the Losers, Mr Disappointment himself, The Man With No Cock, and King of Absolutely F*cking Nowhere, Ize-Reek-Theon Joyless. And what happened next was sadly predictable...


So, whatever. No-one cares, but grats @Iselore - you managed to ruin an otherwise enjoyable evening for everyone - yet again!

So the NEW winner of the Iron Throne, and FINAL champion of the night is.... ISELORE!!!

Fortunately, as anyone familiar with Game of Thrones will tell you, life on the Iron Throne can be short lived... And we all look forward to dethroning Theon 'Iselore' Greyjoy very soon!

Thanks to all who attended: @Circus, @Daemion, @Dia, @Iselore, @Nostrau, @Peedy, @Raffles, @Redh, @Snikmund, @Struckd, @Vidda, and @Vikingstad.
This was my favourite match of the night - very enjoyable :D


And best intro:

Ode to Margaery Tyrell
By Raffles

The crowd thinks she's fair, but really she's mean
They say she's virginal, but she's obscene
She's the kind of girl who'd fuck anyone to be queen
They say butter wouldn't melt, but she's Margerine!
Damn, I missed on having everyone role playing? Although, I can't believe you refused to say your lines. They weren't hard, really Hodor! Even @Vidda sang some Ed Sheeran for us. :p

I think we somehow need to convince you to watch this series.
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