[Club Cyrus] Conan in CamelOt uNchAiNed!

Discussion in 'Guild News and Information' started by Redh, 19th Jan 2017.

  1. Redh

    Redh Guild Leader CU Beta Squad

    Likes Received:
    13th Mar 2009

    Waiting. It's not easy. Since April 2013 we have been counting down the days until the December 2015 launch of Camelot Unchained. Of course, we were young and foolish then, thinking we'd be playing beta versions of the game as early as February 2015, some TWENTY THREE months ago. How were we supposed to know that there would be a minor delay at the time, caused by the ability system rewrite / lack of programmers / virtual reality / the developers wanting a break to play Half Life 3 various reasons. Now of course we are all older and wiser... much older in fact... and have come to accept that we must temporarily let go of our desperate need for The Ultimate MMO, and make do with something different that will pass the time until it is ready.

    Although we have tried many games over the past year, some with more success than others, we have always been left wanting more depth, more reason to commit, and more meat on the bone. Casual gamers we are not. We don't want all this free time tempting us into living a meaningful and productive life - that's for suckers! No, we want to stare into the face of the black hole of time, known as MMO Gaming, pick its nose with our high-octane l33t skillz, and flick snot in its eyes with our ability to sit at our computers "for just 5 more minutes" until we hear our morning alarm clocks sound the call back to the civilised world. Hell yeah, that's the no-life!

    With the current MMO landscape looking more barren than @Daemion's sex life, and having already exhausted most of the good 'casual' multiplayer games, we have now decided to turn our hands to, ironically, survival games. Having discussed our options during a somewhat thrilling live interactive guild meeting last night, we have formulated the following foolproof plan of action:

    1. Conan Exiles looks cool - let's see what that's like when it releases on January 31st.

    2. If Conan sucks / doesn't have the content to keep us going, let's look at ARK: Survival Evolved!

    3. If we aren't sold on ARK, then maybe we should consider something like Empyrion - Galactic Survival instead!

    4. F*ck it, let's just become a dedicated Rocket League guild!

    So to kick us off, here is a timely press release taken from Conan Exiles - please excuse the slight modifications, all this talk of the Camelot Unchained delays must still be playing on my mind a little...

    ======= PRESS RELEASE =========



    You We are an exiles, outcast and downtrodden, sentenced to walk wait in a barbaric wasteland where the weak impatient are crushed and only the strong can live. Here you we must fight to survive, build, and dominate the gaming world alone together on your own server in various casual party games or with enemies and allies within slightly more meaningful but ultimately unfulfilling and unsatisfying non-MMO landscapes in online multiplayer. Oh, and Rocket League. Which is still awesome.

    Journey through a vast, seamless world Steam store filled with the ruins of ancient civilisations games and uncover its dark history and buried secrets gems as you seek to conquer pass the time and dominate the exiled lands yourself survive the endless wait for a worthy MMO. Start with nothing but your bare hands fading hopes and forge the legacy of your clan Club Cyrus, from full of simple tools and weapons to gigantic fortresses and entire cities nub-heads. Enslave the bandits of the exiled lands City State Entertainment to do your bidding game programming by breaking them on the gruelling Wheel of Pain Crunch run-up to Beta One. Sacrifice the beating hearts of your enemies their social lives on the blood Mountain Dew-soiled altars of your god to seize true power and glory 1500-bot battles. Summon the colossal avatar of your god Mark Jacobs and see them him lay waste to your enemies the crafting document and their homes finally announce a date for Beta.

    Just remember: in this brutal land of vengeful gods bored gamers, bloodthirsty cannibals PvPers, and vicious monsters Rocket League demolitions, survival is more than tracking down food and water the actually relevant information from the endless streams and newsletters. Explore mysterious ruins Twitch Streams in search of treasure and knowledge, but beware the risk of your mind being corrupted by the dark forces of the world endless office live streams and tea-time lore stories. Traverse vast sand dunes Google searches and seek shelter from scouring sandstorms sweeping across the burning sands February 2015 Beta schedules. March into war Discord against your enemies with your guildies and unleash your savage fury in brutal combat aerials in Rocket League. Go in unprepared and it will be your head car rolling and limbs Iselore flying.

    Conan Exiles Camelot Unchained is not an empty sandbox promise. It is a world rich in history potential where you must we will re-discover the knowledge and secrets of ancient civilisations passion of MMO Gaming once again as you we struggle to build your own re-learn our keybindings.


    Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Just what we are looking for - sign me up! Now is obviously a great time to join us as we embark on a new journey, whatever it may be. Fear not - we are still very much headed towards Camelot Unchained, but we may be making one or two more pit-stops before we get there.

    For actual details on Conan Exiles, including the above press release 'unedited', check out our thread here!
    Arnfast, Voldraxx, Nostrau and 3 others like this.


    1. Iselore

      Bite the bullet, we're an Osiris guild, it even rhymes.
    2. Dia

      I am not sure if Redh was drunk last night when he wrote this but now I am upset he didn't share. He certainly likes to be different and confuse people but this sentence rings true: "We are exiles, outcast and downtrodden, sentenced to wait in a barbaric wasteland where the impatient are crushed and only the strong can live."

      In all seriousness, having played Osiris, I am now looking forward to a survival game and think that we could have a lot of fun as a guild.
    3. Raffles

      Quality mate. Thanks for the laugh!
    4. Vikingstad

      Quite possible the utter thrashing in rocket league made him resort to heavy drinking before writing up this :)

      Lets see what comes out of tomorrows stream and hopefully it will be a worthwhile pit stop
      Redh likes this.
    5. Nostrau

      I promised Redh a long comment, not that it would be comprehensible and make sense however. Therefore I turn to my second best source of memorable quotes.

      Our group in C O N A N will have the highest IQ ever assembled

      Our enemies doesn't have a clue

      We have the BEST builders, just look at what we'll build

      Many people have commented that our fragrance, "Success" is the best scent & lasts the longest

      We have spent almost nothing on Conan Exiles and we're in 1st place

      We have over 2k views on Youtube re Crooked Tainted

      CU is a total hoax

      Redh is a truly pathetic excuse of a guild leader, can't get any worse

      Redh is perhaps the worst guild leader in Cyrus history

      Redh is just so bad

      Everything he touches turns into a mess. Some people just don't have it
      Redh, Caellin and Dia like this.
    6. Caellin

      I can't wait to get out there and crush some skulls Arnold style.
    7. Dia
    8. Redh

      Hakugard and Dia like this.
    9. Kewelguy

      Will this game ever be released - and will it be as good as Dark ages of Camelot
    10. Dia

      Camelot Unchained? One can only hope...I hope it will be better than DAoC, I did not like it when I tried it.
      Kewelguy likes this.
    11. Kewelguy

      The original DAOC was unbelievable - after trials of Atlantis it went pants